Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I touched a dick in church today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
