We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
