I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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