"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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