ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
