I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
