I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
