dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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