Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
