I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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