remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
