Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
