a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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