your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize