So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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