I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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