This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
