Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
