Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
