mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
