his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize