The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
