Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize