Already got asked if we're dating
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
