so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Alive.
So much puke
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
