I can tuck mytits in my pants
honey bunches of taint.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
