Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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