Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
