sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
