Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
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I wish they made helmets for livers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize