Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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