I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
