don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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