hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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