my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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