it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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