'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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