So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
