Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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