Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
