I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
