I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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