am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
