maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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