theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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