how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
