I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
