There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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