Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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