drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
