After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
