Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
