dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ruined the universe
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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