The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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