So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
