why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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