it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
