I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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