My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
