I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize