Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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