I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
