yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
