Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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